CEW: Carol E Wyer (Just don’t ask what the ‘E’ is for and the first person to say ‘Emintrude’ gets whalloped)
Ed: Where you from?
CEW: I was actually born in Germany, hence my love of beer and lederhosen but I suppose it’s accurate to say I’m a Brit.
Ed: Day job?
CEW: Stripper. Sometimes I use a pole.
Ed: Dream job?
CEW: A supermodel or a Formula One Racing Driver – Better still, a Supermodel who races Formula One cars.
Ed: And, of course, Why do you write?
CEW: I am far more articulate on paper than when I speak. I have a habit of opening my mouth and spouting utter rubbish…at least I can correct mistakes on paper.
Band – The Killers – I can’t help it. I really like them ever since I heard my Son blasting them out in his bedroom one day. My hearing went a bit funny about that time too.
Food – Sorry, could you speak up? Food? Pasta. Any shape, form or size of bowl
Game - Trivial Pursuit. I love collecting those little coloured cheeses.
Album – I’m pretty fickle when it comes to ‘favourite’ albums or songs. It depends on my mood. Some days I might say ‘The Best of Boney M’ or another I might chose Lady Gaga’s ‘The Fame’. Today, however, I have settled on ‘The Wall’ by Pink Floyd. See, told you I was fickle.
Word: Discombobulate. A word usually slurred when I have quaffed a bottle or two of Chablis.
Color – Green. I adore green. I painted every room in our house in green and didn’t realize because they were various shades of green which I thought counted as different colours. By the way, it might be handy to point out here that I am a tad colour blind.
Animal – Elephants. I bought ‘a date’ with an elephant for my husband a year ago. He keeps getting little messages (letters and poems) sent through the post from a sweet little elephant in Thailand. All proceeds go to help their welfare.
Piece of clothing – Piece? I’m a woman. I love all my clothes.
Movie – ‘Up’. Wonderful film. Always makes me tear up.
TV show – Dexter. It’s the comedic elements in it that work so well for me.
Song – ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ Monty Python – ‘The Life Of Brian’. Oh dear, I am humming it again now.
Line from a song – ‘Slightly worn but dignified and not too old for sex’ from ‘When All is Said and Done’ by Abba.
Pizza topping - Cheese, more cheese, a bit more cheese please, then ham, egg, mushrooms, bacon…hang on, this is turning into an English Breakfast.
Crime - My favourite crime? I’m stumped for an answer. Is singing off key in the shower a crime?
Place - Bazaruto Archipelago. A group of private islands off Mozambique which are just pure paradise.
Quote - He who laughs, lasts!
Ed: Finally, three random things about yourself, please.
CEW: 1.) I have walked the Queen’s Corgi dogs in a park in London. 2.) I can play the tune ‘Popcorn’ on my jaw. 3.) I impersonated a tour guide once and walked a coach load of tourists around Venice when I’d never been there before.
What’s the biggest consideration when you are deciding what book to read?
CEW: Again it will depend on my mood. If I’m looking for a holiday read then I want something ‘easy.’ I enjoy books that make me laugh. Janet Evanovich’s books are fun and I am quite partial to Ben Elton’s brand of humour.
As a language student at Uni I read at least twelve books a week. Bearing in mind that included the entire works of Chaucer and Shakespeare along with original French versions of Proust, Sartre, Camus, Descartes and 16th Century poetry you can appreciate that anything ‘light’ appeals these days.
Ed: Cogito ergo sum, and all that.
Let’s say you are looking at the back of a book in a bookstore, reading on online blurb, or whatever. What sort of thing makes you say “yes,” what sort of things makes you say “pass?”
CEW: It needs to grab my attention pretty quickly. Chances are if I don’t reach the second paragraph of the blurb then this is not a story for me. I make very quick decisions based on key words…sex…funny…laugh…
Ed: Everybody loves a funny sex laugh.
What genre do you enjoy most?
CEW: I’m easy to please on the basis that I was bed-ridden for a considerable length of time in my youth and read everything, yes, every single book in the local library while I was there. I have a sneaky penchant for gripping thrillers with credible protagonists like the characters in Stella Rimmington’s (head of MI5) novels.
CEW: Sorry ladies but I detest Mills & Boon works. Bleurgh! Soppy and unbelievable.
Ed: Do you have a favorite author, and do you think they influence your own writing?
CEW: No, I like hundreds of authors. My writing is mostly humorous so it comes as a result of watching too many light-hearted shows in the ’70s when there were a lot of comedy shows on television.
Ed: Do you have a favorite book, and how many times have you read it?
CEW: Strangely, I love Antony Burgess’s ‘A Clockwork Orange’. I have read it oodles of times. The language fascinated me along with the whole Dystopian idea. When I was a teacher I chose it as one of the A Level texts for our senior pupils and they really liked it. It was the novel they enjoyed the most in the syllabus.
Ed: What’s the first book you remember buying with your own money?
CEW: One of Enid Blyton’s Famous Five series. I can’t remember which one but I read all of them and all of the Secret Seven books too. I saved my pocket money each week and spent all of it on books.
Ed: Any books you have been told you should read, and know you probably never will?
CEW: I was given ‘The History of Berlin’ for a birthday present. I can’t see me snuggling down with it for a while.
Ed: Ever lied about reading, or not reading, a book?
CEW: No, I always read everything, even books I don’t enjoy. I never, ever leave a book unfinished. If you leave a book unfinished, somewhere in the world a pixie loses her magic dust and a hobgoblin falls down a mineshaft.
Ed: Hobgoblins falling down a mineshaft might be okay, but anyway… Ever read a book you were sure you were going to like, and not liked it?
CEW: John Grisham’s novel ‘A Painted House’. I just didn’t enjoy it as much as all his other books.
Ed: Ever grudgingly read a book, and loved it?
Ed: Now onto questions relating to books you did write, and how you do that voo doo that you do.
CEW: In the bath. I do a lot of my plotting there. I think up some of my best titles there and get squeaky clean into the bargain.It does steam up the walls though.
Ed: How do your characters get their names?
CEW: The names just come to me, usually about four in the morning. I have a head of characters ready to be written about. Is that not normal?
Ed: If you could live in the world / with the people of one of your stories, which one would it be and why?
CEW: Bibi Chevalier from Surfing in Stilettos because she is confident, beautiful, French and very funny. She makes me smile about myself and about life. I already live with a grumpy Phil type from Mini Skirts and Laughter Lines.
Ed: What do you think your books say about you?
CEW: I am positive and amusing? I hope people think of me as fun-loving but also as someone who wants to share their enjoyment of life and who can remind them that life has a sell-by so enjoy it while you can.
Ed: Is there anything you have written which you would now like to change or revise, wish you had written differently, etc.?
Ed: Tell me about your favorite character.
CEW: Amanda’s mother in Mini Skirts and Laughter Lines. She is in her seventies but attacking life with gusto. Queen of Karaoke evenings and hostess of drunken Twister Parties she reminds everyone that you are never too old to enjoy yourself.
Ed: What’s your favorite line which you have written?
CEW: “Now, let me see…Algebra, History, Physics, How to seduce men, Maths, German. No, I must have been off school that day and missed that particular lesson.” Amanda in Surfing in Stilettos
CEW: Plotter. I carry two or three plots around in my head most days. It gets difficult to differentiate between fantasy and reality some days.
Ed: Best advice you ever got as a writer?
CEW: The best advice I ever received was ‘get a professional editor.’
Ed: Worst thing about being a writer?
CEW: Tooth decay. I discovered eating wine gums helped me concentrate and after three novels my teeth are dropping out. Need to chew gum I think.
Ed: Why Indie?
CEW: Love being part of a vibrant community and believe Indie is the way forward.
Ed: Is being a writer what you expected? How so or how not?
CEW: Yes, I spend hours shut in a room talking to my computer and I have no money.
Ed: Have you, or would you ever, collaborate on a story?
CEW: I’d love to if anyone fancies having ago with me. Remember I am British with a Monty Python sense of humour.
Ed: The Monty Python sense of humor probably means “having a go with me” can mean more than one thing.
If you were starting to write for the first time, what would you do different?
CEW: Learn to use ‘Word’ properly instead of writing my entire novel out by hand first and then spending weeks attempting to type it up.
Ed: Heh. Drafting by hand is still the way I write, it’s a pain.
What is the most important thing you have learned about writing?
CEW: Writing doesn’t stop when you finish a novel – you have to keep writing, articles, blogs, more novels, short stories etc . It keeps evolving and improving.
Ed: What’s the moral of the story?
CEW: Never sit down to rework a chapter of your novel when you have a pizza cooking in the oven.
Ed: Finally, some real answers to hypothetical questions.
CEW: My next post for Indies Unlimited. Cripes it took me long enough to compose it!
Ed: You have one perfect day of free time, no obligations, needs, or responsibilities. What do you do?
CEW: Anyone got any spare change so I can spend a day at a health spa? I could do with some attention after being locked in this room for weeks.
Ed: Someone “in the business” suggests you change something you feel is a critical part of one of your books, and guarantees it will increase sales. What do you do?
CEW: Try and see it through their eyes, have a glass of wine then probably leave it as it is.
Ed: You are offered just enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life, if you will just stop writing. What do you do?
CEW: Say thanks a lot but no thanks and then write a novel about a crazy dude who tried to buy me off.
Ed: Thanks for stopping by, Emintrude.
Do check out Carol’s work, conveniently located hither:
Author Website: www.carolewyer.co.uk
“Reach 50 laughing…yes, laughing!”
And be on the lookout for
“Woman finds fun in France”
Available August 16th on Amazon and feedaread.